Seriridescence

Happy New Year's! 10 years ago I joined dA in the early hours of New Year's Day. I had fun staying up all night with friends. It's funny, I think that I'm only friends with one of them now -- if any. As always I was the last one awake, too wired to sleep, the sun was starting to rise. It's funny how many sunrises have passed since then, most of which I haven't seen. I don't know why we let ourselves miss almost all of them. When I go to the ocean, I am always awake before sunrise, before the fishermen are even at the docks. I walk barefoot through the cold sand, camera in hand. It's the most peace I have ever felt. All I want in this life is be at the ocean everyday with my kids. That's right kids. We're expecting baby number two in August. I'm so excited that my daughter is going to have a little brother or sister. I can't wait to take them on adventures all over. The oceans, the mountains, big cities, cozy little towns...I want to teach them to swim, and bike, and ski. I don't want them to miss out or worry about a thing. 2020 was rough, my daughter born in March made everything in this life worth it. I still get so tired, and deeply sad. My heart aches for all people and places I didn't get to visit. It reminds me too much of being little. Trapped in the house, or at school, or on the bus. Never allowed to go anywhere, being bored, and out of place. Except this time there's no where to run away to. No friends' houses. No coffee shops, bookstores, or libraries. Just the woods...but they're just as lonely as home. I prefer to adventure with people, to talk about nothing, and everything. It's been a little too challenging to carry a baby, and a camera -- if I want to get some usable shots that is. We did have one nice walk in the woods last year, she was crying for a long time so I wrapped her up, took my camera, and she napped within minutes. Got a really nice capture of a red leaf in the sun. It's been a long time since I wrote consistently. I miss it. Here's to more focus for writing, and creative projects outside home restoration, and baby things. My daughter's room is almost done, and soon I'll have to shift my energy to painting and putting together our new little one's room. This is the second Christmas, and New Year's in a row that I haven't been able to celebrate the traditional way grown-ups do. My husband teased me that it'll be the same case for next year too -- let's hope not, lol. Happy New Year! May it bring us all genuine connection, adventure, peace, and all good things.

It may be hard to imagine, but New York does have it's empty and abandoned places. Near where I grew up is a true ghost town called Tahawus. It used to be an old mining village located in the Adirondacks.

In 2015 I explored the area with my dad during a winter hike. To be honest, I forgot about these until this past summer. Since then I have been a little preoccupied with baby preparation, but at long last have finished processing this collection. Here are the shots I got! Be sure to click to view each photograph individually.

Are there any abandoned places near you? If so, share some thumbs in the comments.

It's no secret that over the last decade plus I have dealt with bipolar disorder's soul crippling depression. I've been fighting, and searching for meaning -- trying to find or create something worth living for.

I believe that I have finally found it, and my reason for being here.

Come March 2020 my husband and I will be welcoming our firstborn child. We are over the moon. And I am so thankful for this big love coming into our lives.

One of the many things I'm doing to prepare is painting a dresser I repaired, and salvaged for the baby.

Over the last few years I fear I've lost my voice. I stopped interacting with people online. Slowly I stopped journaling. I read again for a few breaths. I quit reaching out to people; cut out the ones it was too painful for me to be around -- distanced myself from the ones who didn't hurt yet. I stopped looking for new music. My brain, my body's been fried. Getting excited has been harder, lonelier. The projects have dried up, dwindled.

For so long I've been seeking peace, and rest. I think it's been counterproductive to cut myself off from the things worth living for. Even if it was slowly, and without my noticing. I need things to live for -- to truly rest from. I can't spend all my time recovering from the traumatic monotony of adulthood. Haven't there been enough tragedies to heal from being a kid with no control? Can't I hold both the reins, and my life high now that I have nearly every say? Forget the handful of realities that I can't change. Don't get lost in the sea of realities that I can.

I need to learn how to reach out again. How to connect with others on a mentally/spiritually fulfilling level. Once upon a time I was a pro. No fear. No hesitations. I wanted to talk with people, and it was spectacular.